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Selected Quotes

The quoted bear no relation.

“Hey you! Give me some kind of 'thing.'”
—Middle class beggar

“I’d really like to look him straight in the eye and say, ‘Hey! I’m lookin’ at YOU.’”
—Dramatic employee

“Name him something–Junior. I don’t care what you name him, I just want ‘Junior’ on the end.”
—New father

I’M the life of this party, get it straight faggot!” *whilst holding nerd by collar
—Paranoid jock

“I don’t know... I just can’t see myself communicating with a person who has no internet access, phone, or mailing address.”
—A hopeless friend

“There were some battling theories back then, and I was always in the mindset of ‘No ball left behind’, but it wasn’t easy to admit that back in those days.”
—Ball historian

“I believe that everything happens for a reason... For instance, God made me dumb so that I could live in exile, completely detached from society.”
—The realist

“We’ll always be sisters forever, but I’ll be damned if we remain friends.”
—Grudgeful kin

“If you elect me as your president, I promise to murder everyone who did not vote for me.”
—The risk–taking candidate

*sips coffee, thinks: “Ugh, it’s some hazelnut shit...” *continues friendly conversation, smiling
—Friendly guest

“Keep me in mind for that promotion, even though I don’t work here and you’ve never seen me before right now.”
—Optimistic passer–by